Forgiveness
by Starman800
Summary: HarmSinger Loren returns home after a tragic loss. She must confront Harm and her feelings. First JAG fic. Please review


First JAG fiction, please enjoy, i hop eyo uall ike it. I am working on another one with these two.. Please Review, i want to know what you think, sorry if there are some slight grammer errors, no beta on this one..

_Harm's Apartment_

_N. of Union Station_

_0130 Hours (Zulu)_

Loren Singer stood outside Cmdr Harmon Rabb's door, she was shivering from nerves, and the fact that she was soaking wet from standing out in the cold rain trying to build up the nerve to even enter his building and confront him about all that has happened since she had left.

She lifted her hand and knocked on the door; she heard movement inside and lowered her to her side. She had known he was up; when she was outside she could see his lights on and a shadow moving pass the windows from time to time.

To say she, Lt. Loren Singer was scared would be an understatement, she had been away for 4 months visiting family, it was not by choice but necessity when she lost the baby, they were the only ones she felt she could turn to at the time, being here now she hoped maybe she was wrong about that.

All she could remember about the day she left was walking into the airport, getting on a plane and flying home, she was confused, angry, and happy all at once. She thought there was no one in DC she could talk to about this, she didn't feel like she had anybody at JAG who she would consider a friend. So she took extended leave, packed up what she could and left for home.

She had thought about it for the last several months, she knew she had to come back and tell Harm, if there was one thing she did right in her life it would be to tell Harm that she had his Niece or Nephew.

She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard the lock turn and the door start to open. She looked up and saw harm standing there with a look of surprise, shock, maybe some confusion.

Loren let out the breath she been holding when she heard the door open, she looked right into his eyes, suddenly as if in a fast slideshow all of the past months came crashing down at once into her memory. Without even thinking just reacting, Loren wrapped her arms around Harm, not waiting for him to respond she started to cry harder then she ever thought possible.

To say Harm was surprised to find Loren Singer standing outside his apartment was an understatement. He blinked the shock away and looked at Loren, from what he could see, she was tired, wet, worn out, and shivering. Before he had a chance to say anything she had wrapped her arms around his waist, buried her head into his chest and began to cry uncontrollably.

With out even thinking Harm did the only thing he knew to do in a situation like this, he wrapped his arm's around Loren's back and held her till she was ready.

Loren started to calm herself down long enough to pull back away from Harm's chest; the once clean shirt of his showed a wet spot where she had let the tears fall. She managed to stay with in his grasp, favoring the warmth of his body for her still shivering one. She managed to look up into his eyes, Tears still filling hers up, running down her check when she blinked them away.

"I'm sorry for ruining your shirt." It was weak but what else could she say, she felt herself start to brake down again.

Harm could see the pain in her eyes; he slowly guided her into his apartment and onto the sofa. He quickly covered her with a blanket he had laying there trying to get her warmed up.

Loren felt the warmth of the apartment as soon as she was through the doorway, she felt him guide her to the sofa and warp her in a blanket. She hadn't realized it but he had removed her coat, and was removing her shoes.

She was pulled out of her revive to notice Harm standing in front of her with a cup of Hot tea and pair of sweat pants and sweat shirt for her. How long was she in her own thoughts for?

"It's been awhile since I've seen how you take your tea. I took a guess on what I thought was the right one, 1 cream, 2 sugars?" He set the tea cup down in front of her, letting it cool down for a moment.

Relief washed over her for a moment, forgetting that she was freezing cold she reached out and picked up the tea, taking a testing sip she closed her eyes and let the warmth flow down her throat and through her body.

"Hmmm, it's perfect, thank you." Setting the tea down she glanced at the clothes he had brought out for her. She looked at him hesitantly; she needed to explain what had happened, why she was here, she needed him to know she was sorry for everything.

Harm saw the conflict that was in her eyes, she wanted to say something but she wanted to get out of those wet cloths too.

"Why don't you get changed first, then we can sit and talk ok?" He reached out to help her up off the sofa.

"The bathroom is right through there; you can put your wet clothes in the dryer on the way out ok." He reached down and handed her the sweats he had brought out for her, offering a small smile, before she took the clothes, and headed off to change.

Harm took the moment to grab some coffee and bring out a dry blanket from his bed. Loren had come in the middle of the night soaking wet, and crying her eyes out, something he has never seen her do, something was wrong. He had a feeling it was about the baby, something had happened. Harm didn't know where Loren had been these last couple of months; from the scuttlebutt said she was with family on the west coast.

Harm had a feeling that Loren needed a friend at the moment; he knew they had never been very close to each other at JAG; it is not that he didn't not like her. He just didn't like her approach towards people; he tried to keep her at a distance. He knew she had the potential to be one hell of a lawyer.

Loren looked at her appearance in the mirror one more time. She looked and felt like crap, her hair was a mess; eyes were blood shot from crying so hard, she had dark circles under them. Her body had started to feel better when she managed to get out of those wet clothes, Harm's clothes made her feel very warm, comfortable and safe. It was a good feeling.

She stole one last glance at herself in the mirror before moving out of the bathroom, she stopped at the dryer to throw her clothes in, she had placed her shoes on the vent in the bathroom to try to get them dry. She turned the dryer on and headed out into the living room.

Harm looked up as he heard the dryer turn on. Loren had come out of the hall heading his way toward the sofa. A smile appeared on her face when she saw Harm looking at her; Harm could tell she was feeling slightly better, at least warmer.

"Feeling any better?" Harm asked as they sat down on the sofa, Harm kept a little space between them as not to overwhelm her.

"Yes, thank you again for everything so far. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't answered the door." Her voice was soft, not very full of life; she was still in pain over what had happened. She was worried about how Harm would take the news.

Harm watched her for a moment trying to decide what to do, she came here to talk to him and tell him something.

Loren knew she needed to get this out and tell him before she lost the nerve she had built up. She didn't know where to begin.

"Harm, I'm so sorry… But I, I, I lost the baby about a month an a half ago." She could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes again; she had to keep talking, to explain to him…

"It's all my fault, I couldn't save her. I was at my sister's house, I felt the cramping, I thought it was the baby, I didn't think something was wrong; I just kept doing what I was doing. I didn't know anything was wrong till it was to late..."

She choked back a sob as tears started to once again stream down her checks, she felt Harm wrap her up in his arms and hold her tightly.

Harm held onto Loren as what she had just told him sunk into his brain, the baby was gone his niece, she had said a girl right?

"It's not your fault Loren; you had no way of knowing that this was going to happen. For all you knew everything was going fine."

Harm let out a slow breath, still holding onto Loren for comfort, and maybe himself too.

"I don't even begin to know what you are feeling right now or before, I'm sorry you went through this alone. I know you don't get along with your family very well. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't come to me…"

Loren felt a wave of relief wash over her; Harm was going to be there for her now. He wasn't upset or angry he was concerned about her well being, he wasn't going to run away and leave her alone. She knew that at one time they were not what you would consider friends; she would like to think they could've been friends, she would have liked that. But it is time to start again with a new attitude, and as a better person.

Harm looked into her eyes and smiled, there was a line that officers shouldn't cross when working together; he was walking it, maybe even crossing it. Harm thought for a second why do something half assed; swallow the nerve and power on through.

"Loren, there is something I want to tell you, something I noticed in you over the 2 years you have worked at JAG."

He turned slightly get a better position to look at her. She looked up at him waiting to hear what he had to say.

"You have the makings of a fine officer; you have a lot of potential in you. I can see it in your eyes. I know you have ambitions to be the first female JAG, I commend you for that. I would like to see you succeed in your career and ambitions. I want to be there for you. Not as a fellow officer, or a senior office, but as a friend…"

Harm trailed off wanted to say more but didn't want to scare her away, maybe there could be more between the two of them. Loren was a very attractive young women, it was her attitude that had cooled him off for so long. He knew now seeing her like this that there was defiantly more to Loren Singer then she let on. There is a person under that tough exterior.

Loren had watched Harm intently since he started talking; she could see it that he truly had meant what he had said about her. It had made her feel very happy and elated. Maybe she could finally start to trust someone enough to let them in. Could she trust him with her feelings thought? Her heart was screaming yes let him in, but her mind was taken the devil's side of things and telling her no, don't do it. For the first time in a long while she told her brain to shut the hell up and went with her heart on this one.

"Thank you Harm, I know you mean that, I really do. I'm sorry for being such a bitch towards you; I know that is why we never really connected. I'm really sorry for not trusting you enough to come to you about what had happened."

She paused briefly to wipe some dried tears off her face, she knew now that she loved this kind, caring man…

"I'm also sorry that it took something like this to happen for me to realize that I am falling for you."

Loren felt his arms tighten around her as she spoke. The only thought she could think of was that this is what love feels like…

"You can go right ahead a fall, I will always catch you, no matter what." He smiled his infamous flyboy grin. He noticed that she was trying to fight back a yawn; more of her body weight was leaning up against him now. The day was catching up to her, and him he felt his body fight off a yawn as well. He looked at his watch and noticed it was almost 0230.

"Alright, I think it is time for someone to get some sleep, you have had a busy day, and it is late, early I mean, oh what ever…" Harm made a move to get up but was stopped by Loren's grip on his arm.

"Can you forgive me?" It was a simply question, one that held a lot of weight.

"Loren, there is nothing to forgive you for. You were just trying to protect yourself. I'm not angry at you, Yes I'm upset about what had happened but I don't blame you, not once…"

Harm leaned over and gave Loren a hug, letting her know that he loved her as much as she loved him.

"I don't know what arrangements' you had already made since you gotten back to DC. Have you gotten your apartment together or opened yet? You are more then welcomed to stay here as long as you like."

Loren looked at him, a little shocked, she never really thought about a place, her apartment was rented out after she left, she didn't think she would come back, she was going to book a hotel room till she could find a place but didn't get a chance to. She had come right here when she got to DC. She hadn't even called and told the admiral she was coming back, technically she was still on extended leave.

"I haven't really had a chance to find some place to stay; my clothes are in my car, and most of my other things are in storage. I haven't even called the Admiral and told him that I was back yet. I don't know if there is a posting at JAG or if I have to go some place else.

He could hear the sadness in her voice, she wanted back at JAG. They could deal with that tomorrow, as for right now he was putting her to bed…

"We can deal with all that tomorrow, for right now you are going to sleep. You can take my bed; I'll crash on the couch."

He stood up, holding out his hand for her, he guided her to the bedroom to get her settled.

"Harm, you sure, I don't want to impose." The ideal thrilled her to no end, staying here with him. It sent shivers down her back.

"Nonsense, no imposition at all, I mean that, I want you to stay here with me." They way he said that it had made him think that it sounded like something that was going to become more permanent, for some reason that thought thrilled him, almost as much as flying.

Harm helped her get settled into bed, he started to leave after he had pulled the blankets up, but again was stopped by her hand on his arm.

He turned and saw Loren looking at him, fear, and sadness were back as she looked up at him, her eyes were damp with tears. His heart broke for her; he wished he could take her pain away.

"Stay with me please, for tonight and forever!" It wasn't a demand, it was a request she was scared and she needed someone, that someone was him, and he would accept it, now and forever.

With out a word, Harm nodded and climbed into the other side of the bed with her. Almost as if they had been doing it for ever the moved into each other, comforting each other, not knowing what the new day will bring but ready to face it together.

Before drifted off to sleep he tightened his arms around Loren's waist, making sure to keep her close to him. He could tell she was already asleep; he wanted her to feel safe with him, now and forever. He offered a small smile before he drifted off to sleep.

The End,

Please review..


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